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The Fool

by Veronica Wagner

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1.
Blush 02:59
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Smile at me how you usually do I can feel myself blush I have a secret weakness for looking at you Do I do it too much? You barely know me, I barely know you But when we make eye contact and you smile like that I can barely stand up Oh I gotta play it cool Excuse my little crush Gotta play it cool Excuse me while I combust Gotta play it cool This misdirected lust Is all I'm feeling, all I'm feeling I can feel, I can feel myself blush I would love for us to make friends But every time you speak I try to reply and don't make any sense You must think I'm a freak Hey, you barely know me, I barely know you But you have literally appeared in my dreams Three nights this week Oh I gotta play it cool Excuse my little crush Gotta play it cool Excuse me while I combust Gotta play it cool This misdirected lust Is all I'm feeling, all I'm feeling I can feel, I can feel myself blush I crave the hot spotlight of your attention more than anything It's like the sun can see me I want the sun to see me Little wonder I can feel my face heat up When i gotta play it cool Excuse my little crush Gotta play it cool Excuse me while I combust Gotta play it cool This misdirected lust Is all I'm feeling, all I'm feeling I can feel, I can feel All I'm feeling, all I'm feeling I can feel myself, I can feel myself blush
2.
The Æternal Fist 03:52
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Yawn away, little abyss Your cold breath on my neck Come on and give me a kiss Give me a scare Pucker up Cause I can go as deep as you like I’ve antagonised Madam and I don’t know how to fix it Making my life hell till I say Mademoiselle And drop my chin or she’ll melt my skin to liquid The lady’s malaise needs a bandaid And if she treats the wound then who is gonna lick it? When it hauls and hurts Till you think your soul will rip Baby got the bruise From THE ÆTERNAL FIST Can you hear yourself? No you don’t want what you wish Baby got the bruise From THE ÆTERNAL FIST Doctor diagnosed bite marks on the lady’s lily ankle And such an ominous bruise I guess you've got to accuse Anybody fool enough to still look tranquil Not a thing in her room doesn’t implicate doom And no one checks the metal buckle on her sandal When it hauls and hurts Till you think your soul will rip Baby got the bruise From THE ÆTERNAL FIST Can you hear yourself? No you don’t want what you wish Baby got the bruise From THE ÆTERNAL FIST It’s incomparable Nothing this-er than this The centre of sense, the sheer elements of invisible bliss The indivisible abyss and the divinity of it Put your finger in the middle and it’ll centrifuge your body to bits Call my name, little abyss I do like the bright lights There isn’t much I resist As a matter of principle And I can see Galaxies inside the darkness When it hauls and hurts Till you think your soul will rip Baby got the bruise From THE ÆTERNAL FIST And you’re overwhelmed In a cosmos full of shit May I introduce THE ÆTERNAL FIST Yeah the universe doesn’t get that punching up exists Still, you’re not excused From THE ÆTERNAL FIST Can you hear yourself? No you don’t want what you wish Baby got the bruise From THE ÆTERNAL FIST I've been banished from the circle but I can’t say that I miss it With desperate curses from a tepid Circe Too disconcerted to commit to being wicked The firmament is such a lovely tent And I can’t resent a single thing within it So yawn away, little abyss Your cold breath on my neck Come on and give me a kiss Give me a scare Pucker up Cause I can go as deep as you like
3.
Last Sun 02:06
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Golden evening shadows Make your face look so withdrawn I cup my hands in the light Like i’m trying to drink from a waterfall I don’t want to say that it suits you The Midas touch on the plain white walls A feeling I never get used to Turns a house into a temple Oh the heart pumps blood I know it’s just a muscle so man Why does it ache like the idioms say Love love love, it's always on the tip of my tongue Last sun Not long till the streetlights come on Soon it’ll be dark, better go home Nice long walk in the suburbs Even better when the light is low There’s velvet in the asphalt Glory in the telegraph poles I've got no great sense for the seasons Comes from in this city all my life But I feel the evening The hazy heavy light Oh the heart pumps blood I know it’s just a muscle so man Why does it ache like the idioms say Going, oh my god, so lit up and soon it’ll be gone Last sun Not long till the streetlights come on Soon it’ll be dark, better go home Last sun Not long till the streetlights come on Soon it’ll be dark, better go home
4.
Magnifying Glass 01:58
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Is it a relief to feel stained? Whispers of unworthiness that you suppressed confirmed Is it a relief to look down and see The hands of a monster? Is it a regret when you wake? Fleeting repulsion at her sweet sleeping face Is it a regret when you step from the shower And the mirror shows that ordinary monster? Your silent body In the magnifying glass Let's see how real you are Is it a reprieve to feel burned? Whatever you committed will peel fresh foreign flesh from you Is it a reprieve when your proprioception Feels the distortion of the monster? Is it a refrain that you hear? Have you repeated yourself enough times now? Do you restrain yourself or do you truly just not want to any longer? Your silent body In the magnifying glass Let's see how real you are
5.
Year Without a Summer 03:14
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What's on fire? The mountain Dreadful dream of night at noon where the mind Opens its torrential mouth And discovers depths of red for the first time We ascend Vesuvius, but while the others walk I suffer in my palanquin and half-attend their talk There's no ravine my mind can't fathom, but no beauty it creates I change my name but cannot change my place In the life of the man who's a synonym for passion In the waves of stone and streams of flame, repulsion and attraction, In the year without a summer In the splendour and the thunder And in me He finds clarity My iridescent, everlasting fire, I promise with my eyes, Will dry your tears till your cheeks burn If he should tire, he will find me on his pillow If she should tire, I will take my turn One among the wildest hearts, two degrees from danger, My quiet life I kicked off with disgust But now my reputation bites in the smirk of every stranger A footnote of shamelessness and lust In the life of the man who's a synonym for passion In the waves of stone and streams of flame, repulsion and attraction, In the year without a summer In the splendour and the thunder And in me With clarity, I see In the dark of Tambora I should die, you say "ah, voila" A gaze as pitiless as history Consigns me to pitiable infamy The daughter of a second wife and sister of another Spoke Russian and read Pushkin and never was a mother In the dark of Tambora In the eye of the storm of my unreserved pretension In the height of his scorn, denial and condescension I reflect, I refract Some haunted hearts saw shooting stars stars in me He finds clarity In the life of the man who's a synonym for passion In the waves of stone and streams of flame, repulsion and attraction, In the year without a summer In the splendour and the thunder And in me He finds clarity
6.
The Fool 03:25
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If I'm a bottle, you're lemonade Watching you wade through endless waist-high waves Seafoam doesn't glow like your skin Watching you turn away, watching you swim Can I stop myself from lolloping in your wake? I just want to dive in Float on the swell you make Why am I always following? Haven't you noticed i've been Running around like the fool you make me feel Buddy I've still got secrets None of which i'm intending to reveal Whether or not you believe it Go ahead and use me for my mind As well as my body Soon I'm leaving you behind I'm turning away I'm leaving you behind If you're a bottle, I'm the sea Bearing you on, bobbing gently Inside is a little confession Never meant for me to read Will I let you shatter against the rocky shore? I just want to get in What are you so watertight for? Why am I always wondering? Why am i always Running around like the fool you make me feel Buddy I've still got secrets None of this nonsense counts as really real Sorry if you believed it Go ahead and use me for my mind As well as my body Soon I'm leaving you behind Till then you've got me running around like a fool The fool you make me feel Buddy I've still got secrets None of this fuss is that much of a big deal When I'm not underneath it Go ahead, man, use me for my mind As well as my body Soon i'm leaving you behind I'm turning away I'm leaving you behind

about

This is just a little handful of songs I have written, some a long time ago and some recently. You can hear me downloading more and more synths as I worked on them.

It's called The Fool after the final track, and because that title taps into a minor theme that runs through the songs: the lyrics speak as or speak to people who are enjoying delusions, and recognising this to varying degrees, or who are in situations where others are making a fool of them. I hope you enjoy it!

Some notes:

BLUSH - self-explanatory - just a sincere description of an exceptionally intense crush. I had fun putting the music together!

THE ÆTERNAL FIST - sorry about the special character but that is unavoidably the title of the song

LAST SUN - the lyrics tell a story about a disappointing non-connection with a disappointing person, but also, I really do just like walking around in suburbia. Obviously written before I'd ever lived outside of Sydney

MAGNIFYING GLASS - some dudes really need to get their act together, as a person, you know?

YEAR WITHOUT A SUMMER - if you're curious, you should be able to work out what this is about with a bit of googling - I'll let it be a fun investigation process, like the one I went through writing it. this is the only track with no real instruments, and it was my first proper foray into how many fake computer instruments i can put in a song, as you may be able to tell. also, the only song i wrote specifically for this album - hard to see now why i thought it was necessary - well, enjoy

THE FOOL - I have a feeling this song will be really fun to sing along with, so go for it! lyrics attached to the bandcamp file and also in a txt in the album download!

credits

released November 24, 2021

Thank you to Corbin for use of your mic and your housemate's guitars, and general help and advice, and also your work on the songs and artwork I didn't use

Thank you to Michelle Grimmer for your usual excellent judgement - I hope you find $20 in an old jacket

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Veronica Wagner Sydney, Australia

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